Climate Experts Baffled By Newly Found Phenomenon Called ‘Summer’
Shocking new data has revealed temperatures have consistently risen since January.
Climate “experts” and bought-off “scientists” and Greta Thunberg supporters have uncovered disturbing new data that suggests temperatures have actually increased month-on-month since the end of winter.
Nobody is quite sure exactly what has been driving the increase, but everyone agrees the answer is to have fewer people, fewer cars, and higher taxes.
There have been multiple victims of the deadly, seemingly endless increase in temperature.
“This is my Aunty Blodwen. Photo taken at lunchtime today in some boiling-hot European hellhole. Her final words were: ‘Tell everyone back home to follow the science, and to have that fourth, booster-layer of suntan lotion.'”
A Twitter user mourns the passing of Aunty Blodwen, whose body was completely disintegrated.
Experts predict that, should current trends continue, the entire planet will be completely set on fire and life as we know it will end.
There is talk of something called winter possibly returning, in which case we may see a trend of cooling. However, this chatter is currently being dismissed as a wild conspiracy theory with no basis in reality.
Government advice is to once again stay at home to protect the elderly, as it has now been confirmed that heat can actually spread through the air and that transmission of heat has become rampant amongst the entire northern hemisphere.
New technology is being looked into that will provide people with factor 5000 sunscreen, which can actually deflect the sun’s rays back into space in a bid to stop climate change.
Hopefully this will have some effect. If it doesn’t, we may see the end of new mothers giving birth in a radical new move by birth strikers to not have children until the climate stops changing.
Nobody seems to have told these women that the climate has always changed throughout history. But some suggest that, since birth-striking may actually serve to increase the average IQ of the population, the idea should be encouraged.
Hopefully we will collectively make it through this new, never-before-seen phenomenon called “summer,” although top experts warn this is probably the end of the human race.